I remember a time when I didn't laugh. I didn't feel, I was numb, it was survival. Smiling felt strained and awkward, fake. I regained my smile, and my laughter, I feel again.
That sucks.
It is a double edge sword, feeling the joy means feeling the pain. I don't want to feel the pain. How do I shut it off without losing my laughter? I have to choose, pain AND joy or numb? I do not want to be numb again. I will embrace the pain in order to enjoy the laughter. fair trade.
I guess.
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